Sculpt

I haven't been taking my camera along on my latest escapades, so a pic from last summer will have to do. But trust me that there are good times being had in SoCal. I'm just not documenting them.

And then there are the rest of the times. The between-the-good-times times. Otherwise known as most of the time.

You may know (from facebook or real life) that I am having a great deal of trouble caring (giving a rat's ass, giving a shit, giving a flying fuck, etc.) about my projects at the lab. I am so ready to be done, and it feels like the lab work and the writing I need to be doing is sucking my soul. It sucks. My soul. Away. And it is hard to spend full time and then some working on something you just aren't interested in.

But today I had an epiphany. I may be burned out. I may not really care about the research. But I DO care about graduating. I AM interested in graduating. So when the mundane is dragging me down, I have to focus on what it is that I want. To get what I want, I have to put one foot ahead of the other, work on the tasks at hand, and focus my desire on the end, which is definitely looming in sight.

Eyes on the prize.

PS: Today is a palindrome; did you notice? 01.11.10

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San Jacinto

You should be jealous of my weekend plans.

Actually, what SHOULD happen is that I should be working hard and doing nothing enviable at all other than slaving away all weekend towards earning the laudatory doctorate degree. But that's not what's going to happen. I worked hard all week, so I deserve it, right? Right. Back to the grind Monday.

Now I'm off to bed. (I know, I know, you're thinking, "Going to bed at 10:30 on a Friday night? That's nothing to be jealous of!" But this isn't the fun part yet.)

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Peeking! In!

I've been SO BUSY!

All good!

Traveled to Houston for AMA! No sleep! Policy and partying!

Back to lab for two and a half days!

Palm Springs tomorrow!

Busy all weekend!

Juggling plans! (Juggling boys?)

I have a long post I started working on, but NO TIME!

I'll be back!

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Joy

I'm finding myself to be occasionally overwhelmed with happiness.

Oh, there are plenty of times where I am frustrated with research or tired of dealing with those annoying things we all have to deal with or sad that another friend is moving away or overwhelmed by emotions other than happiness. But lately, I have moments where I am simply flooded with joy. It may come out of nowhere for no reason. It may be for a small reason, like having internet at home again, or hearing from a friend unexpectedly. It may be for medium-sized reasons, like the giddy butterflies of a crush. Sometimes it's for a very big reason, like the amazing people in my life, or the excitement that I get to go to THIS!

Today I found myself literally jumping up and down for joy twice. And while both reasons for jumping are quite wonderful, overall, I just feel happy. Content. For many reasons. And for no reason at all.

So Much Happiness

It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness.
With sadness there is something to rub against,
a wound to tend with lotion and cloth.
When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up,
something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change.

But happiness floats.
It doesn't need you to hold it down.
It doesn't need anything.
Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,
and disappears when it wants to.
You are happy either way.
Even the fact that you once lived in a peaceful tree house
and now live over a quarry of noise and dust
cannot make you unhappy.
Everything has a life of its own,
it too could wake up filled with possibilities
of coffee cake and ripe peaches,
and love even the floor which needs to be swept,
the soiled linens and scratched records...

Since there is no place large enough
to contain so much happiness,
you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you
into everything you touch. You are not responsible.
You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit
for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,
and in that way, be known.

Naomi Shihab Nye

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Beginning to float free

November 1968

Stripped
you're beginning to float free
up through the smoke of brushfires
and incinerators
the unleafed branches won't hold you
nor the radar aerials

You're what the autumn knew would happen
after the last collapse
of primary color
once the last absolutes were torn to pieces
you could begin

How you broke open, what sheathed you
until this moment
I know nothing about it
my ignorance of you amazes me
now that I watch you
starting to give yourself away
to the wind

~Adrienne Rich

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