Harvest

coiled, crouched
to pounce.
waiting patiently
to strike perfectly.
how much prey
do i need?
less than i can get.

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Sculpt

I haven't been taking my camera along on my latest escapades, so a pic from last summer will have to do. But trust me that there are good times being had in SoCal. I'm just not documenting them.

And then there are the rest of the times. The between-the-good-times times. Otherwise known as most of the time.

You may know (from facebook or real life) that I am having a great deal of trouble caring (giving a rat's ass, giving a shit, giving a flying fuck, etc.) about my projects at the lab. I am so ready to be done, and it feels like the lab work and the writing I need to be doing is sucking my soul. It sucks. My soul. Away. And it is hard to spend full time and then some working on something you just aren't interested in.

But today I had an epiphany. I may be burned out. I may not really care about the research. But I DO care about graduating. I AM interested in graduating. So when the mundane is dragging me down, I have to focus on what it is that I want. To get what I want, I have to put one foot ahead of the other, work on the tasks at hand, and focus my desire on the end, which is definitely looming in sight.

Eyes on the prize.

PS: Today is a palindrome; did you notice? 01.11.10

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It's a year for a good story

I could easily start this post out by looking back over the things about 2009 that were not good. And there were plenty. This year, my life reversed course, turned upside down and introduced me to a level of upheaval that I have never experienced. But it also introduced me to new experiences and new levels of freedom that I have never experienced. So. I don't want to spend much time looking back. I have already spend a lot of time looking back, and now it is time to look forward.

There is a good story in store for me in 2010. I know. Because I'm going to write it. I have already written some parts. Other parts will emerge as unexpected complications occur, new characters emerge, and new themes develop. And so I present the story of my life in 2010, as I see it so far (to be amended and adjusted as the situation warrants).

• In 2010, I will run my first marathon. This is an idea that I have always toyed with, and this year is the year that it makes sense for me to train. If I don't do it this year, it will have to wait until at least my second year of residency before I can devote the time and dedication it takes to do it right. I am already signed up for the Los Angeles Marathon, and my training is well underway. In fact, I ran 14 miles this morning. (Tips and opinions are welcome, particularly from my distance-running friends!)
  
• In 2010, I will get my finances back under control. This is already well underway, but I am still working to get debts paid off, build my savings a bit, and tighten the budget a bit on my spending. All of these things are necessary because:
• In 2010, I will get my own place. I am still living with friends, which has been great both in terms of support and the friend-discount rent I am paying. But I am really ready to get my own place. I have thought about a roommate, but truthfully I want my own space, however tiny what space I can afford might be. So, I'm writing it into my story.
  
• In 2010, I will finish my PhD. I will fucking finish my PhD! Graduation is in May, and you are welcome to attend. :) Hard work is imminent (and a bit overwhelming). But the reward will be that I will finish this degree that has in turn made me feel both proud and incredibly stupid. In the end, I'm not sure where it will take me, besides into my clinical rotations, and one step closer to my MD. But I know where it has already taken me. Many of those places have nothing to do with the degree itself, but that is just an example of how the path winds in unpredictable ways.
  
• In 2010 I will cultivate friendships. This is something I always try to do, and particularly in the last 3 or 4 years. In the last year, many of my friends have graduated and moved away. But I want to continue to do the work that it takes (and I know it takes a great deal of investment) to stay in contact with those that I truly care about. I have experienced that it is worth it. And as my network of friends spreads across the country, technology continues to make it easier for me to keep in touch with them. God bless the Internet. And skymiles, here I come!
  
• In 2010, I will continue to be my authentic self. I think this has been on my new years resolution list for at least a year, if not two, and I really feel like this has been the biggest catalyst for my personal growth. I am getting to the point where I feel like what you see is what you get. I no longer feel like I am hiding parts of myself. If you ask me a question, I will give you the straight truth, no bullshit, whether it is about you, about life in general, or about me. I don't feel like I am pretending to be someone or something I'm not, and that is an incredibly liberating feeling.
  

Now it's your turn. Write your story. And share it with the people you love--in the comments, on your own blog, or in real life.

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Happy Thanksgiving

I'm in Utah with my family enjoying my favorite holiday.

It has been a rocky year, but I have much to be thankful for, and I am. I am richly blessed, surrounded by family and friends who care about me.

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